Treading

 source photo

Earlier in the week my husband and I were looking for something to watch together.  In general that means watching something on the Discovery Channel.  We happened upon an old episode of "Deadliest  Catch." The one where Capt. Jack trades his own son to another boat because he knew that it was best for him to go on another boat to change his perspective a little bit.  His son went willingly trusting that his dad knew best.  During his son's time away Capt. Jack reflected on how much he missed being with him and how excited he was to have him back on the boat in a day or two.

A couple of nights ago I was sharing with my husband how distant I feel from God and how long I have been experiencing the feeling of nothingness.  You see things haven't been easy for us this past year and we are still struggling under the leftover bills from unplanned and unexpected medical mishaps.  It feels like we're treading water...and my emotional and mental response is to put my head down and work as hard as I can.  I don't complain I don't question, I shut off and do what I have to do.

Before I was married I feel like I had a pretty good relationship with God and I felt loved and secure.  However, looking back it was super easy to feel like God liked me when I didn't have any big challenges or struggles.  I lived happily with my parents and though I worked to put myself through school and to purchase whatever I needed I didn't have many concerns.

I can see down the line when hopefully I am no longer treading water...when God decided the timing is right how I will then own a more mature faith.  My faith back then was very immature.  Although I worry on a hourly basis about all kinds of things and my God feels so far away I am certain that God knew I needed this experience. My husband made the connection between what we were talking about and Capt. Jack and his son.  Capt. Jack didn't like sending his son away and he missed him being near but he knew the experience would change his son in a good way.  I can see how these experiences have changed me in a good way too.