A New Direction

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I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas Season! My hubs and I had a bit of an unusual one because both of us are working in retail and it's the busiest time of the year.  So we were able to spend sometime with family on Christmas Day but it was way to short and it was back to work the next day.

So I've been thinking about this for a long time and I have decided that I'm going to take a little break from blogging.  I love blogging and reading what's going on in everyone's lives (which I will continue to do) but I definitely feel like I am in a very different place now than I was when I first started blogging.  I don't have the energy to keep up with it in a way that truly reflects my life and when I feel inspired to write it's often not a "happy post" and it's not my desire to blog for the sake of venting.  To put it simply our life is very challenging right now and I feel like God is growing my faith through it however I don't believe I can share what's been going on in a good way until it's behind me and I have perspective on it.

So here's the deal I just want to take a little break and come back when I feel like I can represent myself and my life in a way that truly reflects me.  But you'll be hearing from me because I so enjoy reading your blogs and hearing how God is shaping you!!  Have a Happy New Year! I hope that God will bless you in 2011 :)

Love~

Treading

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Earlier in the week my husband and I were looking for something to watch together.  In general that means watching something on the Discovery Channel.  We happened upon an old episode of "Deadliest  Catch." The one where Capt. Jack trades his own son to another boat because he knew that it was best for him to go on another boat to change his perspective a little bit.  His son went willingly trusting that his dad knew best.  During his son's time away Capt. Jack reflected on how much he missed being with him and how excited he was to have him back on the boat in a day or two.

A couple of nights ago I was sharing with my husband how distant I feel from God and how long I have been experiencing the feeling of nothingness.  You see things haven't been easy for us this past year and we are still struggling under the leftover bills from unplanned and unexpected medical mishaps.  It feels like we're treading water...and my emotional and mental response is to put my head down and work as hard as I can.  I don't complain I don't question, I shut off and do what I have to do.

Before I was married I feel like I had a pretty good relationship with God and I felt loved and secure.  However, looking back it was super easy to feel like God liked me when I didn't have any big challenges or struggles.  I lived happily with my parents and though I worked to put myself through school and to purchase whatever I needed I didn't have many concerns.

I can see down the line when hopefully I am no longer treading water...when God decided the timing is right how I will then own a more mature faith.  My faith back then was very immature.  Although I worry on a hourly basis about all kinds of things and my God feels so far away I am certain that God knew I needed this experience. My husband made the connection between what we were talking about and Capt. Jack and his son.  Capt. Jack didn't like sending his son away and he missed him being near but he knew the experience would change his son in a good way.  I can see how these experiences have changed me in a good way too.

We're having a...

Christmas Traditions: Day 2, Music

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I really love Christmas music.  Growing up in my home Church, music was a big part of the Christmas season.  It seems like my family and I have been preforming in one way or another at Christmas time until I was out of High School.  As a Church we preformed The Messiah every other year and then on the opposite years we'd put of a show at our church where we'd sing and the church would turn into a winter wonderland!  I have very fond memories of singing for people at Christmas time.  And I'm proud that that tradition continues at my home Church now.  I hope that you guys find some sort of church show to go and see!

Other than that there are a few singer that I love to listen to around the Christmas season.  Some of my favorites are Big Crosby, Andy Williams, Mannheim Steamroller,  and George Winston.  But mostly I just love the old Christmas Hymns and love sing those songs with believers where ever I am!   

Christmas Tradtions: Day 1, Movies

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Every family has Christmas traditions.  This week I want to feature some of mine from growing up.  We all know that I love old movies and that love didn't pop up from nowhere, my parents love old movies too!  We grew up watching Black and White and Technicolor, musicals and slap-stick.  One of our favorite family traditions is watching our Christmas movies together.  We have probably see White Christmas a million time...we know every word, which is kind of the fun of it. My mom and I like to watch Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer with a bowl of peppermint ice cream. Stephanie, Ben and I like to watch the Holiday Inn. I like to watch the Bells of St. Mary's because of the super cute 1st grade nativity play that is so precious and funny! My sister Amber, my mom and I like to watch Little Women. My dad like to watch The Three Godfather's with John Wayne, of course, it's a typical western (meaning someone you like dies) but it's a good one for Christmas!  And of course there's The Christmas Story, The Family Stone, The Santa Clause, and Home Alone.   But the best tradition of all is watching It's a Wonderful Life on Christmas Eve.  We've been watching it since I can remember on that night and we all cry at the end every year.  We live simple lives but it always reminds us what a difference we can make and how we can touch others lives.  The one movies or story I really do not like at all is A Christmas Carol.  It scared me as a little girl and I still don't like it now...but the muppet one is the most enjoyable to watch if I had too, the new Disney one is horrible! Super Scary!

I hope that I have mentioned some titles that you've never heard of or want to give a try! Please do!

Repair

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Have you ever been given advice or been told something and it just didn't sit well with you? Or because this person is older and you should probably listen to them out of respect or whatever it is you take their words to be true even though...as I mentioned they just didn't sit right with you?  I think these comments or nuggets of "advice" can really hinder your relationship with God if you take them to be true without researching what God's heart is on the matter. 

I was listening to my favorite Preachers over at Northcoast Church.  This week was Pastor Larry's turn and he was giving a message on great faith never being blind faith.  The story he used as an example was the old Bible School favorite of Jesus calling Peter and his brother Andrew from their fishing boat to become Fisher's of Men.  How many times have we been told the story about Peter's great leap of faith to follow instantly, without being told the back-story and the history that Jesus had with Peter and Andrew.  They had known each other long before, and brothers had witnessed miracles before Jesus called them to follow.

Often times because of these stories taken out of context by well meaning people, Christ followers think that the more crazy a thing you're doing the more in line with God's plan you are.  I loved what Pastor Larry said using Matthew 11:28-30    

²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” 

Pastor Larry said Jesus didn't say "Come to me all who are weary and I will show you what weary is!" And this my friends is what I've been struggling with.  My husband's chosen profession is Ministry.  I love this about him, he is a great teacher.  But I was told from numerous well meaning people that I should prepare myself for a life of misery.  No, of course they didn't say it like that but basically that I should not expect to live near my family nor ask God to bring me near my family because he would not grant me that, in fact he would grant me the opposite of that.

You know here I am roughly 4 hours away from my family, we made the decision to be here because it was right for us for now.  Maybe it will be right for us at a later point to not be in the same town as my family but that is not because God doesn't want me to be near my family.  This is not the God we serve. I don't know how I let my heart become hardened toward God based on the myth that God is so mean as that.  But I did, and you know what? It really doesn't say in the Bible that Megan should live here or there...but it does tell me HOW I should live where ever I am, and that is the most important thing to God.  Not where but how. I'm so thankful for that sermon from Pastor Larry because I needed to hear this in order to being to repair my broken relationship with the Lord.

The Top Items in Variety

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So it's been so long since I last blogged.  Mostly because I could not string two sentences together that were not dripping in hormonal ranting.  Seriously! I tried and tried to write but all my drafts were completely nonsensical! So let me give it a try today and we'll see how it goes!

So God has blessed me with a really good job while we're here in the Bay Area.  So I'm working full time which, so far, is going really well.  God is giving me the energy to stand all day and He is also giving me the patience to talk to people all day...which is the most challenging.  But it keeps me pretty busy.  The worst part about working full-time is that I only have a chance to do house work on my days off.  So things pile up and my days off aren't really "days off."

The hubs and I celebrated our one year anniversary on Sunday.  It sounds horrible, but we wanted to kiss this past year good-bye in hopes that this next year would be better for us.  We love each other so much but the stresses medical emergencies and moving twice and still feeling like "we don't belong here"  was not exactly the "honeymoon year" that people dream of.   It was the looooongest year of my life.  So Good-bye Year One...and Hello Year Two, please be nice to us.

Yesterday I had my second doctor's appointment and heard my baby's heart-beat for the first time.  Not knowing anything about these monthly doctor's appointments, I didn't know that listening to the baby was on the agenda, so my husband missed it because he was in class.  Oops.  I felt so bad! But we're both happy that I heard it, and everything is going well.  I also got shanghaied into getting a flu shot.  I've heard negative things about getting a flu shot and the possible effects on baby so I wasn't really going to get one.  But my doctor said that they had one and they were going to give me one, I didn't feel like it was an option.  So I prayed that everything will be ok.

So now I'm 15 weeks along! I really love pickles and egg salad sandwiches featuring cut up pieces of pickles!  Other than that I eat a lot of soup, which I attribute with keeping me healthy, cause I haven't gotten sick yet...and I need to keep it that way!  I still fit into my clothes, even though I've got a little pouch tummy but I still just look like I've gained weight.  And truthfully between my tummy and my Ach-hem...chest...the chest is winning by far.  Holy cow! I mean I was so small before I didn't even wear a bra, now I'm bursting out of my B-Cup getting ready to move into C's! Crazy!

So that's pretty much what has been going on for us.  Until next time...thanks for stopping by today!     

Hmmm...

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Well...where did October go?  I hope you all had a good one! I'm doing pretty good.  I'm in my 12th week (the last week of my first trimester) and getting excited!  Of course their are a few changes going on that everyone should be aware of:

Number One: I am hormonal.  I have mood swings like nobodies business.  Last night my husband and I were talking about sleeping (I have mad heartburn so it's uncomfortable to sleep) and I was saying that he didn't know what it was like to be pregnant.  Then he said..."this is hard for me too, I have to deal with something...your hormones."  I laughed because it's true...and I don't really feel bad, only when I reflect on how many times a day I am happy and then immediately mad...then I feel a little..nope it passed.

Number Two:  I am hormonal.  This makes me very sensitive.  I am very offended by people telling me or my husband that we shouldn't find out what we're having.  I am also very offended by people being Giants haters.  I don't like going on facebook and seeing all the things my family members posted about the Giants being booed and nay-sayed.  That's not nice, we're Giants fans and 90 percent of the time, being a Giants fan means you are rooting for a loosing team.  Can't you let us just enjoy it?

Number Three: I am hormonal.  Prone to rants.  Prone to bursting into tears.  Prone to impatience. Prone to being crazy.

Number Four: I don't think this feeling is going away anytime soon :(

A New (to me) Song

The Glad Game

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One of my favorite movies is Pollyanna...in the movies the little girl plays a game where she finds the positive in every situation.  I don't know if it's hormones or what but I've been a little blue for the past few weeks. Things that would ordinarily make me sad for a little while, makes me sad for a long while.  So I need to play the glad game right now and, well essentially count my blessings.

I'm very thankful that today my baby is the size of a lime.  I'm so thankful to have reached this point in a pregnancy!  For the first couple months every pain in my lower abdomen was nerve-wracking, so it's nice to be able to relax.

I'm thankful for a job that I like and employers who appreciate me.

I'm thankful for a husband who is such a hard worker and who proves to all single women that good men are out there and worth the wait.

I'm thankful for babies! I'm thankful for my little nephew Jax, and our new little niece on the way, I just call her our little turkey babe.  I can't wait to see her, and I'm so happy that God has blessed my dear siblings with little ones!

There are so many more things I'm thankful for, and it does my heart good to think about them! I'm going to do it more often! 



  

Slow Assent

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There has been so much happening here lately I wish I would do a better job at blogging! I've been going back and forth in my mind if I should even continue to blog because I don't write as much as I should.  But I haven't made up my mind to stop because I value the friendships it has brought me.

My husband and I have been here in the Bay Area for nearly 2 months.  I seems like such a short time when I type it, but I feel like it's been forever!  As my husband studies away, preparing for mid-terms, I sit here reflecting on this past year.  I was discussing with my husband how much we have gone through in this past year (almost year) of marriage.  It's been really challenging, dealing with sicknesses that came out of the blue and cost so much more than anyone would care to pay, dealing with the excitement of a pregnancy and the loss of the same.  And then there were the emotional struggles all couples have to deal with while transforming 2 lives into 1.  So many challenges so so many things we'd love not to have to deal with again.  I've never been hit with so many things at once in my life before.  All I keep praying for is that God has us swinging up-ward again even if it's slow.

I want you to know that I have been working on getting back into the word and prayer.  I say this because it is my heart to use this blog as a place of encouragement to Women of Faith.  But I needed to keep working to get back into that place, so the encouragement can come from a genuine spirit.  So I'm working on it :) 

Sometimes You Just Need

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FYI That last post was totally just supposed to be a work in progress :/ I must have hit publish out of habit! Thank you so much for responding.  It is truthful that I'm am going through an ebb, so I'm not ashamed that you know it too.

I told my husband last night I needed to cry. But last night he was in worse shape then me...tired and worn out.  And I am just smart enough to know that keeping my heart to unfold to him later would be wiser, that way he could be what I need.  Which he was this morning.  I realized that there are things missing from my life that I need in order to feel close to God. One is worship through music.  I used to have heavy doses of it weekly, being apart of a thriving worship team.  It's something I need and it can be hard to find. But I can commit to finding it for myself.  So that is one step in the right direction.  I spet sometime this morning and I already feel better.

Another thing I needed was to talk to my hubs...mostly through hyper-ventilating tears.  Our entire first year of marriage was one giant series of "lesson learning."  And believe me we are learning loads! Everyone struggles in life, and God allows it in order for us to learn.  For example, if we never had to struggle to pay our bills we'd treat money frivolously.  There are so so many things we've learned in our first year together...the scary thing is...I don't think this learning is ever going to stop. I'm pretty sure that God is going to continually be shaping us, and sometimes it's not going to feel good.

The problem is for me is that I get discouraged when going through these lessons and I feel like instead of being shaped for my own good I am being punished.  Maybe I'm not doing good enough, well the fact is I'll never be doing good enough.  But I am being shaped for a purpose and that purpose is to be used of God.  It isn't easy.  I used to work with clay and I know how much I had to work it to make it what I wanted it to be.  I just need to remember that this is what's happening...the loving hand of our Potter is shaping me!    

Honestly...

I've been going through a season of feeling very far away from God.

There have been times where my passion and excitement for Jesus as been on fire! It's the most wonderful place to be. Safe and secure in the love and peace of Christ.  A place where everything seems to be an opportunity and joy is all around.  This doesn't mean everything was perfect in my life at the time, in fact there was a lot of uncertainty, but I was fully engaged in worshiping the Lord.

I know that there are time when our relationship with God goes through ebbs and flows...But I feel like I'm in a serious ebb.  

October, now we're talking!

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October is one of my most favorite months! I love that it starts to get cooler but not too cold.  Also I really try to hold myself back from watching Christmas movies all year round, I love Christmas movies they make me feel warm and cozy! (I'm pretty sure I'm my husband's worst nightmare, he can't stand watching things he's seen more than once, but he's very patient)  BUT I say October is close enough to December so October is when I start watching! You know all those stores that put up their Christmas stuff in October? I think they got the idea from me...I'm just saying.  Also who doesn't like to pick a pumpkin?! I do! Christmas movies and pumpkins?  Pretty much my two favorite things.  October, I'm happy to see you!

This is how it is

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So sorry I haven't written in a looooong time! I've been totally wiped out lately!

So the other yesterday I was totally convinced that I was having twins. I knew that my sonogram was coming up and I just felt like I am bigger than I should be.  Don't ask me why...I wake up and look normal then I progressively get bigger and bigger till I can't hold my tummy in and people ask me when I'm due and I feel like I should lie because normal first time mom's aren't supposed to be showing yet.  I blame pre-natal vitamins, they really slow uh- some normal bodily functions down if you know what I mean.  So I'm bloated and the other day I did lie to someone about how far along I am :( I'm not proud.

But I digress.  Today my hubs took me to my sonogram appointment.  I was very happy because everything is going well...my little blurb who looks like a manatee is as big and strong as it should be! Yay!  And yes there's only one, so I'm big because I don't know why.  Last night I dreamed that  I looked like jaba the hut.  (Is that his name? I'm so not a Star Wars person)  Anyways it was bad...also I literally cheered when we got to have Taco Bell for lunch today! This is how it is.

That was Mean of Me

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I have to admit I enjoyed that more than I thought I would.  Sorry!  Yes, just call me Preggy-Meggy! It's still pretty early, but I'm so excited!  I feel like, yes, I had a miscarriage early on last time but I don't feel like that's a good reason not to tell people.  God is sovereign over all lives including growing babies and only He knows what will happen.  But I have a pretty good idea that as my husband says "I'm good and pregnant." My symptoms are way way more intense than the last time.  So God willing we will have our first little one in May.  :) I'm so excited!!! Also since I'm still in the fragile time of my pregnancy I need prayer :)

Secrets

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Who here is good at keeping secrets? I hate keeping secrets! Big ones, little ones, round ones, tall ones...they should all be on the table as far as I'm concerned.  I don't care for surprises either, unless the "I have a surprise for you" is immediately followed by the surprise!

Like the other day when I called my husband on my break at work and he says "I have a surprise for you!" And we argue the whole rest of my break time about when he's going to let the cat out of the bag.  Go ahead you secret keepers let the cat out!

My mom is a horrible secret keeper, God bless her, but because of this I am as well. Now don't get me wrong or anything I can keep secrets from friends and family, secrets that people tell me.  But when it comes to myself, me who usually has nothing interesting to say, a secret about myself should be top item in the paper!

You may be wondering at this point if I in fact have a secret to tell....















Oh wait, what was I saying? Lost my train of thought...oh well.

Surprise!

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Ok ok believe it or not this post is about John Wayne.  Now you can't really have a Classic Movie Chronicle without including westerns!  You really can't, I've seen a bunch.  Some terrible and some really good.  This is also and ode to my Dad who loves John Wayne movies, and because I love him and my mom and I made him watch too many girly things we'd make a date to watch John with him.

Some great things about John Wayne movies is that they are pretty inspiring, adventurous, and a lot of them have great scenery.  But most importantly is that they have good story lines.  So at some point I think you should impress your man my giving these man movies a try.  Say it in your head "Honey, how about some John Wayne tonight?"  yeah...maybe?! Ok if you've played out that in your head and want to proceed these are great ones:

The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance
Stage Coach
The Angel and the Badman (this one is more for girls, this is like the ultimate compromise for us girls and dad, part John Wayne part romance)
The Searchers
Red River
The Cowboys (this is a great one to start with, we initiated my hubs recently with this one) 
Big Jake 

Ruth

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So today my husband and I listened to a Pod-cast sermon from our favorite church, North Coast Church in Vista, Ca.  They've been preaching through a 4 part series on the book of Ruth.  (If you want you can watch them here)  Anyways what I love about their preaching style is that they take the Old Testament, which you can admit, at times seems crazy or maybe even irrelevant, anyways they take it and illuminate it in such a way that it's applicable to 2010. (Because as you know, God hasn't changed)

I've heard the story of Ruth before, I've read it many times as I often enjoys reading the "women" books of the Bible.  But I loved how Pastor Chris unfolded every little detail that could have gone over looked in some sermons.  For example, that the Hebrew names all mean something that is crucial to the story.  There are so many other themes like what happens when you don't trust God and take short cuts instead, or do relationships God's way.  Another great thing is that they make little sets for each sermon series so Pastor Chris preached in a pink girly room to tell Ruth's story!

I know I frequently post about this church and how I listen to these guys, but I really feel like this series is worth the time and they are all up on the web site to view! I hope you'll give it a try!

Budging

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A little while ago we were thinking that God has something else in store for us.  We knew we were going to move but we didn't know where or when but we knew a move was coming.  So we started looking into different options.  We looked where my family lives and where my husband family lives, we even entertained an offer to move to another State.  All of those things didn't pan out, so we waited.

While we waited I thought more and more about being in an uncomfortable place.  My first 9 months of marriage was an experiment in how much discomfort I could take.  New home, new jobs, new church, new role, new everything!  I had lived in the same place my whole life and went to the same church that my dad has been going to since he was 12.  My life was purely comfortable...and I liked it!!

So as we started to get closer and closer to our mysterious "move" to who knows where I began to dig in my heels.  Maybe I don't want to go to another place where I'll be uncomfortable all over again, maybe that's not my idea of a happy life.

 Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) 
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

So now I'm sitting on this side of the move and loving how the events have transpired.  We are so very happy here, I feel very comfortable, and God is providing for us.  So what if I didn't budge.  What if I settled for the known, instead of trusting God with the unknown?  I would have never known that I could be happy somewhere other than my childhood home and would always be longing for the past.  I would never have gotten to experience how God blesses those who trust in Him.   

So do you have something you need to budge on?  If you do...I hope you will!  

Then there came a time when the risk it took to stay tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom 

~Anais Nin

 

Sushi Frenzy!

Do you gals ever get bored and have nothing to do? Why not try playing Sushi Cat. Sushi Cat gathers two of my not so favorite things cats (sorry, I don't mind cats but I'm a dog person) and sushi...and makes them fun together.  It's a good game if you have a little time.

A Nice Weekend

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Hey everyone! I hope you all had a fun and relaxing Labor Day weekend!  We started ours on Thursday night driving until 2 in the morning to my parent's house.  Then the next morning I got up for an early hair appointment where I said "Who cares that you're supposed to go darker for fall, I'm going blond!" And I also cut my hair up to my shoulders again.  I've been growing my hair long and cutting it off in one fail swoop since I was 16, I get bored!  So that felt good!
The next day was Saturday and my sister let me hang out with her baby Jaxon all day.  He's such a sweetie!  My whole goal for the day was to make him laugh, although my husband was better at it than me.  Then Sunday we got to go to my home church to worship with my family! It was fun to see my sisters up in front singing.  It was also nice to be able to sit by my siblings in the service again.  Church isn't the same with out being beside them, we've been sitting together our whole lives.  And although we're not always the most well behaved, even in adulthood, we've had some good times.  Then yesterday my husband and I drove home where we were met with foggy weather.
So today I am currently watching Swiss Family Robinson, procrastinating on doing some dishes (we don't have a dishwasher anymore so dish-washing is a chore that never ends!) and waiting for this afternoon where I have a second interview for a second job.  I don't really know how it's going to work out having two jobs but...we'll see.

A Good Pair

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I've had some writer's block thinking of movies!  But I'd like to introduce you to a good acting duo...Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy.  Then acted together from the 1940's through the 1960's.  What makes their chemistry on screen even better is that they were real life lovers (but you know back then it was really private, I wish celebs lives were more private today, because honestly who cares that much).  Anytime I see these movies pop up on Turner Classic Movies I'll watch them (and I own one or two of them myself). These are good bets:

Desk Set, 1957
Adam's Rib, 1949
Woman of the Year, 1942
Pat & Mike, 1952

**Desk Set is my favorite and a close second is Pat & Mike! Enjoy!! 

Happy September!

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Hey everyone Happy September!  I'm happy to update that I got a job and we're connecting more with other people who live on campus.  My job is working for the same company that I used to work for (maternity clothes) and then I have to get one more job as well. Since the hubs is in school again I need to rake in more dough :)  I have had 2 interviews with other places and I'm waiting to hear back.  I went from not having very much hope to having lots to choose from.

Last night the Seminary held a church fair.  There was a pretty big turn out, both churches and students.  It was really cool because we got to walk up to every table and just ask them what they were about.  We went blindly to a new church on Sunday and although the preaching was good the overall atmosphere was stuffy.  So we were looking forward to getting a preview before we went out.  What I like about church is that there is something for every taste.  And that's the way it should be...the message should be the same but the styles can be different.  So we've got about 3 nailed down that we're looking forward to visiting in the coming weeks.   We got to connect with other couples who live in our village which was really fun.

I'm really liking it here...eh alright...I'm loving it!  Our last location never felt like home.  This feels much more homey!  I hope your September finds you as cozy as it finds me!

Genuine Comfort

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Yesterday I was talking with my husband about finding comfort in suffering.  Most of you know what a trying early summer we've had, and although I don't think about it all the time, there is sometimes where I get sad or emotional.  So I was expressing to my husband that even though I know all the right answers and intellectually I know why we have to suffer and all that...I could even tell someone in my situation the things that people tell me, but why doesn't that comfort?  I was even a struggle for my husband and I to talk without all that "things happen for a reason" stuff.  Which we all know, I know that God doesn't hate me and that there is a purpose for everything.

Well then we got past that stuff and began to talk for real.  How do you comfort someone?  What helps? We realized that this was an important conversation for us to have because we're essentially in training for our coming years in ministry.  What do you say to someone when they are suffering so it has a healing effect on their soul. We've heard

^"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. " James 1:2-3   

But has anyone been so bold as to say that to you when you're in the thick of suffering?  I don't know but if someone said that to me, I'd slap them!  Honestly I think we go through suffering so when someone comes to you for comfort you can be genuine in concern.  Everything is better when it's genuine.  I know that if someone came to me now wanting comfort I would just cry with them.  No words no "phrases of wisdom" just morn with them.  But I don't think you can do that unless you've suffered.  

Am I at a place where I can consider it pure joy? That's a tough one. I'm workin' on it :) Do any of you have a person in your life who genuinely comforted you in suffering? If you do I'd like to hear it!

A Tour

Hello friends! Some of our friends and family have been asking for pictures, so here we go.  Yesterday we went about 5 minuets up the road and went into San Fransisco.  We went to Fisherman's Warf and Ghirardelli's Square.

It was very windy but overall a very nice day.  Last year my husband and I took his youth group to SF for a summer missions trip and we visited the square and something bad happened.  There is a cute little cupcake place in the square and as my hubs and I were eyeing it we saw a bird trapped inside.  Because we were just engaged and still very much in our honeymoon phase I asked my then fiance to save it!!!  Which he jumped right it to save the day.  He came upon the bird and tried to move it toward the door with his hat (the bird was so close) then the bird took off in the other direction then flew back toward Chris and bam! Flew straight into the widow and dropped.  He was dead.  My then fiance came out with the bird in his hat horrified! He saw me from a far and thought I was crying, but I was laughing.  (is that mean? I don't know it was pretty funny)  Anyways here he is at the scene of the crime

Then I saw this cute little Tea Shop that you can have a real tea party at...(Chris decided that's a place that I need to take girls to)

Then we ate Indian food for lunch (no pictures) We had it before when we were on our mission trip but we had someone order for us.  I didn't like what I picked out for myself.  Then we went to the Golden Gate Bridge on our way home.

Then we came home.  Here are some more shots from out side our home.

The Move

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Hello! It's been so long since I've posted! Last week was spent packing up our little apartment...not too interesting.  Then on Friday night we packed up the moving van and left our first home the next morning.

Since my husband wants to be a Pastor he has to finish his master's degree.  We decided to live on campus, because the campus is located in Marin County (which btw is the wealthiest county in the USA) (yikes is right) There would be no way for any student to live here without being able to live on campus for cheep.

I wasn't sure what to expect when I saw the outside of our little apartment village...it's old for sure.  Then I saw the inside and both the kitchen and the bath are half the size of our previous apartment.  But when we started to unpack everything I saw how everything still fit here just maybe in a different place.  As we set up more and more of the house I started to like where we live more and more.  I think the best part is that we live in nature...it's like being at camp but all my stuff is here!  My last apartment had a few patches of grass here and there but that was it as far as nature was concerned.  (Trees make a living space a home)

Anyways my hubs started school Monday and landed himself a job on Tuesday.  I've very proud of him! I, however, have had 2 interviews and still nada :( I'm kind of bummed but I'm going to keep trying!  I'm praying for 2 things, a job, and a friend.  I'm sure that God has plans for both I just have to keep trusting!

P.s. I'm going to send my hubs out to take some pictures because I'm not good at it...more pics to follow.  I've missed you all!

A Quarter of a Century

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25 ugh! I cannot believe that today I am 25.  It feels like only yesterday I was 10 and completely stoked about my new Barbie carrying cases (hot pink and purple you know).  Time flies, everyone is growing up having babies and my parents and my parents friends are becoming grandparents. My sister made me a scrapbook filled with pictures of this past year.  I was thinking about how I used to look through my baby picture book growing up and seeing all the people who have known me since birth and thinking "look how young they look!"  I was thinking that soon my kids will be saying soon..."look how young you were!" Ah! Oh well, this is all in good fun but I seriously pray that the next 25 years go by a lot slower!  

Pouring

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Sorry I haven't written much lately! There's been so much going on, trying to pack and get everything situated.  But this post has nothing to do with that :)

We listen to sermons on Pod-Casts.  I think I've talked about this before but there are a few churches we follow as much as we can by downloading their sermons (for free) to our ipods and listen to them.  The latest one we listen to was by Francis Chan.  (you know him Crazy Love author and all that) Anyways he and his family are embarking on a new journey, leaving their church and serving God in a new mission field.  Anyways his parting words were about the confidence we have as Christ followers and how separation from God is the worst of the worst.  Sometimes I forget what a reality this is.  People are going to be separated from God forever.  Not only just separated but an eternity of suffering.

So as Christ Followers we should be taking this seriously.  I started thinking where is God going to use me to reach these people?  I very much think my ministry is always going to involve women, possibly young women.  My heart is growing more and more compassionate towards young women.  I kept thinking about that phrase of "Speaking into the hearts of..." To me it's like pouring water into an empty cup.  I think my compassion is growing toward young women because so many women recently have been speaking into my heart, and I know how much I need it.  I know that in order to do this God is going to put me through experiences that enhance my ability to speak into hearts, but that also means having people speaking into mine.  It also means that I need to have my questions answered, like What does God really feel about me/women?  I need to be more intentional about seeking these answers.

So today I feel like is a good day to encourage you all that even though you might not always feel it, you have an important role to play in expanding the Kingdom.  You've been through things to speak into others hearts, to pour healing water into empty glasses.  My prayer is that our eyes be opened this week who we can encourage! We've got some watering to do!

Blog: Under Construction

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So I didn't realize that I could label everything I write about.  Until I did, and now I have. :) So I'm in the process of getting Zuzu's spruced up, adding labels to all my posts.  It's still a work in progress (because I got tired of doing it right now) But you can now go to one page to find all the movies, which is really the point of posting those.  I wanted to have sort of a Library of favorites for me and anyone else interested to be able to go to.  And as I was going though them I realized I have so many more stories to share. But as for me now, it's 7:30 am on the button and I have to get up and get ready for my last day at my current job.  (not really a sad thing) And then off to my Mom and Dad's house.  Happy Friday to all of you, my dear friends!  

Life: Under Construction

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The title seems fitting right now.  Back in November my husband and I were married.  Right before I walked down the isle I had a defining conversation with a good friend.  We're very similar and somehow she knew that although I was so excited to be marrying the man I love, that it was also a bitter-sweet moment in my life.

Last year her father's life was cut short.  Though he was a believer, it was still such a shock for her.  (Being a Daddy's-girl myself, I can understand the heart break she must have gone through) She said that through this lesson God was trying to get her to only find comfort in Him.  That this is a lesson that God has been teaching her for a long time.  Little did I know on that day how much this conversation was going to mean to me.  And that God was going to begin teaching me that lesson that very day.

I was very comfortable before November 2009.  I lived in a town I knew like the back of my hand, went to church in a place that was familiar as my own home, and I had my entire family minuets away. But then once we were married all that changed.  New town, new church, new everything.  I cannot say that it's been a comfortable experience.  I know that God is trying to get me to find comfort in Him alone and I can say that I've been rejecting His offer, and seeking comfort in other places.  Only to come up empty after 9 months.

So my news is that we're moving.  We're doing it all over again!  My husband is currently working as a Youth Pastor.  But he still needs more units in order to complete his Master's so he can be an official Pastor.  So we're moving up to a town near San Fransisco so he can finish up his Masters.  Which is exciting because you can see San Fran from where we'll live across the ol' bay. But this means once again being in a new place and we don't know anyone.  We have a little over 2 weeks until we make the big move.  I just hope that this time I will let God be my comforter! I'll be keeping you posted...

Under Construction

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This title has so many meanings.  I could talk about how my blog is under construction...or how my life is under construction.  Either way...it works.  I hope to be sharing some new news with you soon.  But as it is so far I haven't been blogging lately because I'm not a good secret keeper and since this involves more people than me, I've been keeping it.  So tomorrow then? Ok. See you then!

A Blessing For Today

 Brooke Fraser - Hymn (with lyrics)

So I stumbled across this song today and I'm hooked.  I'm the kind of person that really listens to lyrics.  I have to know what the song is saying so I'll listen to it till I understand.  This song makes me so emotional because it gives such a lush picture of Christ's love.  How often do you think "What's it going to take for God to realize that I'm not worth it?"  I am guilty of this thought.  We are all haunted by questions we find hard to answer concerning God...my is "does he like me?" This song is soo beautiful and it answers my question.  I hope it blesses you too!

Love & Respect

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I just finished "reading" (not really I was listening to it on my ipod) Love And Respect by Emerson Eggerichs.  It was suggested to Chris and I to read it before we got married, however in the "honeymoon" stage we were in, we tried but didn't relate to anything.  After 8 months of marriage (so long huh?!) the book was much more relate-able to me.  I listened to this after I listened to the famed The Five Love Languages By Gary Chapman.  I have to say although the love languages was interesting I was disappointed with the small amount of Biblical application/inspiration.  Love And Respect had a lot more Scriptural usage.

Personally what I got out of this book is some really lovely conviction.  How is conviction lovely? Because I needed it, the spirit was working gently within my heart using this book to speak to me. I think it's so easy for me and maybe other women to notice all our husbands mistakes in early (or late) marriage and feel like I'm/we're doing so much better at this.  Well thank you Holy Spirit for showing me that my pride was sinful and pointing me in the right direction.

As I was listening to this book I am/was also going though a period of feeling far away from God.  I feel very far away and very worn out.  I'm desperate to re-kindle my relationship with Christ and thankfully this book came along.  I was seeking a way to let Christ know how much I love him...to express this in a tangible way. This need is obviously more for me than it is Him, who knows all things. But this book lead me to a great way to love Christ though my obedience.  I can show my love for Christ through my Respect for my husband! Yay! I can do that!  Paul instructs the Ephesians to Men, love their wives as Christ loved the church, being willing to sacrifice their lives for them; and Women respect their husbands.  We are to do each of these thing unconditionally.

I know that you gals probably have this down-pat but it's nice to have a reminder that, as the book says, "Everything you do for your husband, you do for Christ." So lets treat them beautifully because Jesus deserves it (and they do too...I know mine does) :)   

Tuesday Tales

My first movie selection is Dinner at Eight made in 1934.  At this time movie making is still new, which for me means that it's still a little more like a play then movies we are familiar with.  I love plays so this one is good for someone like me.  A synopsis in a sentence is "a Society couple in New York City invites people over for dinner." But it's so much more, we meet everyone she invites and see intimate and realistic portraits of each guest.  What's interesting about this is that at the time this film was made America was going through the Great Depression.  This movie was about society people, and it is real, and often sad.  The point being that for the people who scraped together 30 cents to see a movie got to see that maybe the grass isn't always greener on the other side.  A feel good movie? For us probably not, but to the audience of the day...yes.  Maybe their lives didn't seem so bad.  It's very good, not as depressing as I am depicting, but real.  (Also amazing clothing!)

Secondly is Double Indemnity made in 1944. An insurance sales men played by Fred MacMurray, show up to a home to sell insurance to a couple.  The wife shows no interest in the husband but flirts with the sales man.  She has motives and it's to make money...watch to see what happens! I love this movie.  It's a thriller, very well done!

I try to suggest movies that you are sure to enjoy if you ever gave old movies a try! You can catch these on Turner Classic Movie, or if you have a Netflix account, or purchase on Amazon.com. Enjoy!

Breaking My Slience

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(I did not take this picture nor did it look like this cause it was overcast, but this is where I was)

Are you ready for me again? Sorry gals...I haven't written in a loooong time! The first reason was that I didn't have anything to say.  (Also this is my 100th post and I had a plan that God changed for this post, so I was saving it but then I decided to get over it) Then I went with my family on Vacation.

I love vacation! My side of the family has been vacationing in July on the Coast for a while now.  It gets so hot here...yesterday was 110 degrees :P so it's nice to have a break.  I never laugh as much as when we're on vacation.  We went antiquing which was so fun...I got 11 beautifully patterned old handkerchiefs, I have plans for them someday!

Also my husband took me on an "adventure."  He loves to be spontaneous and we had a day where we could venture out together.  First we went to coffee and talked with a local townie/coffee maker dude, who (because he must have forgotten that he lives in a picturesque beach town and is super lucky) told us that there is nothing to do here.  I thought in my head..."seriously dude?! You don't know what you just did to my relaxing day!" My husband loves to have permission to take me on an adventure.  He told us that Big Sur (FYI see my sis's blog "How Sweet It Is" if you want to see pictures of Big Sur) was just 40 minuets away, but it gets a little windey on the way up.

So we start driving...I'm not ok with this but, we go.  Did I tell you I get car sick...oh no? Well my husband knows I get car sick but still we went.  It's ok...little windey but beautiful on the way until...oh man back and forth up and down.  Back and forth up and down.  After 40 minuets I express with a pale face...HOW MUCH LONGER? We look at a map...2 hours away!  Not 40 minuets! LAIR COFFEE DUDE!  Needless to say we did not make it to Big Sur...I will just look at Steph's pictures and keep my lunch in.

Moral of the story....never believe a local townie who lives in a completely gorgeous place that "there's nothing to do here!"  Also don't take your wife on mountainous drives when she gets car sick....that one is just for my hubs...

Bursary of Bliss

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My little friend Kristen at Windy Poplars has made a list of the things that bring her heart joy.  I loved how Kristen talked about this list being the things that God put in her heart to bring her comfort and true joy.  I believe this to be true as well.  That God knows our hearts and lavishes us with this little gifts.  Sometimes I am more aware of these things than other times but still they are there.  So here is my list:

1. Butterflies
2. Being the last one to go to bed when all the lights are off except the Christmas tree lights.
3. Pumpkins
4. Black and White movies
5. Antique Stores
6. Music from the 30's and 40's
7. Worship songs
8. Surprise flowers
9. Hugs
10. People watching in Disneyland

That's all I can think of so far...I'm sure there's much much more.  Thanks Kristen for asking this question!

Sincerely, Confused in California

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 You know those doors every one talks about...the ones that are opened so you can walk through them.  Or also when maybe those same "doors" close, miraculously a window opens...so you can climb through them.  I like the idea of them...but haven't you been in a place where there only seems to be closed doors? I believe that sometimes it's very clear...God wants me to go down this or that path. It seems like a door opened.  Don't you love those times.  But other times all you hear is doors slamming shut...bam...bam...bam! At this point you would love to have a direction...but you have none.  You wish for a door with a flashing red arrow pointing down at it...and maybe even a loud authoritative voice saying "This is it...walk through it!" Or I'd totally take a window...even like a small bathroom window that will be a struggle because of your hips but you barely fit through.  No doors, no windows...

I've said before that I can relate to the Israelite people wandering in the desert.  I feel like that. I think the Israelite people would have loved if the promise land was just a mile down the road. If God gave them "an open window." Nope, no doors, no windows. Keep walking.

There was a point to all this "walking." The end result was a Promise Land.  There was a promise from God that this time in the desert would not last forever.  Did the people trust God.  No.  What did they want? A door...or even a window...an easy way out.  Did that generation receive the promise? No, and who knows how long it would have taken if they just would have had faith in God.  But they begged for an easy way out.

I think these myths about "Open doors and windows" come from people wanting to make excuses for God, to make God as nice as we think He should be.  It's true that God loves us more than we'll ever know how to love.  It is also true that He is perfectly just. If you've read the Bible you know there are things that make us cringe.   We understand the love part...but we don't understand His justice.  So we try and make excuses.

These excuses are not necessary.  Trust me, we've been hit with so much in the past month...more than I've even been sharing.  But I know that the promise land is out there. But God wants something from me in return.  Faithful Obedience.  Sometimes we have to walk through the desert in order to get to where we want to be.  It's hard for me to say or even do sometimes but I have to have faith because God knows what He's doing. 


   

Bows

I don't know if I've mentioned it before....I really enjoy being a girl.  (just kidding you all know that) I recently bought five plain head bands, from Forever 21 for $1.  I know! Black, white, gold, silver, and torus-shell.  I like to wear them plain but I love to wear them gussied up.  Everything looks better gussied up! So sometimes I'll clip a flower pin to them (which looks very pretty).  But more recently I've been experimenting with bows.  My mom gave me little odds-and-ends when I was leaving home including ribbon.  I tied them into little bows and stuck the head band through the back! Fun!

I'm Reading...

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I'm reading Little Women.  It's been a long time movie favorite of mine, my mom's and my sister's. But Although my mom gave me the book to read when I was a little girl, I never got into it.  I was really not a great reader until high school/college.  I have a great passion for the classics, because there's a reason why these books are still around.  I have only gotten through the first 7 chapters so far, but Lousia May Alcott is a beautiful writer.  I've been reading it out loud to my husband while he works or "plays" (facebook) on the computer.  I'm reading out loud because someday I would like to read this book to my daughters.  I am touched by this book, how it has made us laugh, and me cry already.  It's so strange a thing to do together but it has shown me a new side to him, I already knew that he was sweet and patient with me, but now I know that he will be just as sweet, patient, and understanding to our daughters someday.  (I say daughters because I want at least 2, if not 3)

Sweet

Strange Blue Creature

(My title is from a Muppet movie...and when I was about to write my post about how strange I am this quote came into my head...I was kind of all about Muppets when I was little...I also have a crazy good memory when it comes to nonsense)

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Ok so many things have come out of our little family traumas (read below if you don't know what I'm talking about) I can say that it has brought my husband and I to a greater understanding about each other and because of this has brought us closer together.  Which is a really great positive thing that I can point to when I'm sad and feel hope rising.  But as my husband learns more about me I have learned (about me) that I am let's just say a "Strange Blue Creature."

For example, when dealing with grief my husbands instant reaction is to call his family and good friends and have them come to be around him.  A completely normal reaction. My reaction was to go to my parents house where I looked forward to time alone.  (strange? yes...I like to be alone.)  I knew this about myself before but I didn't have someone to compare myself to so when I saw his reaction I thought to myself "Oh that's what normal people do."  My parents are used to me, so of course they knew what I was going to be like...my husband I think was kind of weirded out for a while.  Until I explained.  

Then my social anxiety came out later on that week.  I have always been a shy person.  This is not something I like about myself...I always get nervous when going into any kind of social situation...butterflies all that...I used to get nervous going to school and work (there are very few places I feel truly comfortable).  But I don't like that about myself and have always pushed myself to essentially face my fears. One way I did this was by taking drama classes in college.  I'm a very nice and friendly person so no one would know (unless you're in my family, especially my sister) how much I internally struggle.  Not even my husband.  While we were talking about this he said "you sure are a great actress!" yup.  I would always say to him when we had to go somewhere social or even to his work stuff "I don't want to go." And he would say "Why?" And I would say "Because." And we'd argue.  When I was finally able to let go and communicate with him how "deep this goes" for me he understood me.

It's pretty much one of the best feelings in the world to be, finally, understood.  My sister was the first person to kind of crack the code of me...and she validated me, that it was ok to like to be by myself and to be quiet.  But then to be understood by my husband?! That can take your relationship to a new level.  I am a Strange Blue Creature but I am me, and that's ok.   

I'm Dreaming About...

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I have a city dear to my heart.  Am I a city person? No. But this is no ordinary city, this city is pure perfection. This city is Paris.  This first time I had the opportunity to travel to Paris I was 11.  I was with my family traveling.  It was the most amazing family vacation.  (Don't get me wrong we are not wealthy people, this was years in the making for my parents) I remember vividly being in the city.  It was July and the bright colors of the land/city scape was captivating.  At one point my mom and I decided not to travel to the Notre Dame with the rest of our family...so we sat by ourselves in a park.  We watched the Parisians stroll and she asked me if I'd ever want to live here and I said yes!

10 years later this city called me back.  I again had the amazing opportunity to study abroad in neighboring (sort of...not really) London.  And on my break I returned to pretty Paris.  Paris in February is very different...subtle pastels, creamy colored old buildings with blue roofs.  Very cold, but still so alive.  I don't know what it is about Paris, to me it's the place where fairy tales still exist.  The people are not super friendly but they are super relaxed, there is an easiness about their culture. If you wish to blend in to your setting when you travel, the Parisian culture is perfect for you. I will never forget my experiences in Paris.  I can't wait to take my little girl or girls someday...Paris is for little girls who believe in happily ever after!    

The Reason...

1 Peter 3:15 But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.

I was hoping to be able so share very good news with you all soon.  I was going to announce that I was going to have my first baby.  Sadly, I lost it.  It seems that my husband and I are being allowed to go through a time of suffering.  But we do have hope...we have hope in the Lord.  We know that we'll see our little one someday! I keep being reminded of what happened after Job lost everything-he instantly fell down and praised God...I know it's difficult for some people to understand but God is good and his plan is perfect and He is taking care of my baby right now.  This is a very difficult time for us but God is our constant provider and He is comforting us today.