Thursday, March 22, 2012

Overwhelming Anxiety, My Story

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Hey everyone! Today I'd like to share a little bit about what has happened to my body since having Casey.  We all know stories about women who experience postpartum depression, or maybe you have for yourself.  In my mind someone with postpartum depression was someone who couldn't get out of bed, had trouble connecting with their baby, very tired, etc.  Well I think instantly after having Casey my hormones hit my body like a ton of bricks.  I would describe it like having really bad PMS all the time.  I didn't have any trouble connecting with my baby and I would describe myself as happy and indeed I felt happy.  But my patience was short with others (mainly my husband) and social interaction was nerve wracking.  I didn't want to go anywhere not because I was fearful of protecting my new baby but because I would think about every possible thing that I needed or situations that could happen. My mind was on over-load.

Anyways I knew this wasn't normal.  I've always been a worry wart but my anxiety was overwhelming me so badly I felt like I was in smooth water swimming along and then all of the sudden I was in a current that I just couldn't keep up with and I felt like I was loosing it.  Still I felt fine with my son...bonded and I was happy to just stay home and be with him.  I just kept thinking "this is going to go away."  Well I knew that it had gotten out of hand when my brother and sister-in-law had invited us over for New Year's Eve.  I didn't want to go...I mean I was anxious about going to my brother's house...two people I am very close to.  We went and it was fine we had a good time but I knew that something was wrong with me and maybe it wasn't going away.

I have a history of depression in my family so I knew to be aware of things going on with myself.  It was hard for me because I never felt sad, I still have a hard time saying that I have postpartum depression...but it's good to know that there are different forms and I struggle with severe anxiety.  Anyways during this time my husband and I moved, Casey still wasn't sleeping very well, my hormones were hitting me hard...I called the doctor.  She put me on a low dose of Paxil.  It took a couple weeks for me to notice a difference but then I started to notice a big difference.  My mind calmed down...we could go out and I would sit in the car thinking "wow, my mind isn't racing about all the what if's." It was really good!  I felt free.

It was hard for me in the beginning to wrap my mind around taking medication.  But I think that God allows medicine for a purpose.  By his grace he has given us medicine to help us, to heal us, and I am thankful.  So this was new for me...all this is new for me...but I feel so much better...I just wanted to share my story.



  1. I love you, Meg! It's interesting that you mentioned New Years Eve because I said something to Ben that night about it. I could tell you were anxious and wound really tight. I noticed your lack of patience, but the only reason I noticed all of that was because it was so unusual for you. You are not usually tense, and you definitely were a different person during that time. I am so glad you were able to see the light and accept some help! It is such a great feeling to not have the weight of the "what-if's" on your shoulders! You are a wonderful mama and I think it's great that you are sharing your story!

  2. So glad you are feeling better. Sharing you story is a hard thing to do sometimes, but I commend you for doing it, and doing it beautifully at that.