Love & Respect

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I just finished "reading" (not really I was listening to it on my ipod) Love And Respect by Emerson Eggerichs.  It was suggested to Chris and I to read it before we got married, however in the "honeymoon" stage we were in, we tried but didn't relate to anything.  After 8 months of marriage (so long huh?!) the book was much more relate-able to me.  I listened to this after I listened to the famed The Five Love Languages By Gary Chapman.  I have to say although the love languages was interesting I was disappointed with the small amount of Biblical application/inspiration.  Love And Respect had a lot more Scriptural usage.

Personally what I got out of this book is some really lovely conviction.  How is conviction lovely? Because I needed it, the spirit was working gently within my heart using this book to speak to me. I think it's so easy for me and maybe other women to notice all our husbands mistakes in early (or late) marriage and feel like I'm/we're doing so much better at this.  Well thank you Holy Spirit for showing me that my pride was sinful and pointing me in the right direction.

As I was listening to this book I am/was also going though a period of feeling far away from God.  I feel very far away and very worn out.  I'm desperate to re-kindle my relationship with Christ and thankfully this book came along.  I was seeking a way to let Christ know how much I love him...to express this in a tangible way. This need is obviously more for me than it is Him, who knows all things. But this book lead me to a great way to love Christ though my obedience.  I can show my love for Christ through my Respect for my husband! Yay! I can do that!  Paul instructs the Ephesians to Men, love their wives as Christ loved the church, being willing to sacrifice their lives for them; and Women respect their husbands.  We are to do each of these thing unconditionally.

I know that you gals probably have this down-pat but it's nice to have a reminder that, as the book says, "Everything you do for your husband, you do for Christ." So lets treat them beautifully because Jesus deserves it (and they do too...I know mine does) :)   

Strange Blue Creature

(My title is from a Muppet movie...and when I was about to write my post about how strange I am this quote came into my head...I was kind of all about Muppets when I was little...I also have a crazy good memory when it comes to nonsense)

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Ok so many things have come out of our little family traumas (read below if you don't know what I'm talking about) I can say that it has brought my husband and I to a greater understanding about each other and because of this has brought us closer together.  Which is a really great positive thing that I can point to when I'm sad and feel hope rising.  But as my husband learns more about me I have learned (about me) that I am let's just say a "Strange Blue Creature."

For example, when dealing with grief my husbands instant reaction is to call his family and good friends and have them come to be around him.  A completely normal reaction. My reaction was to go to my parents house where I looked forward to time alone.  (strange? yes...I like to be alone.)  I knew this about myself before but I didn't have someone to compare myself to so when I saw his reaction I thought to myself "Oh that's what normal people do."  My parents are used to me, so of course they knew what I was going to be like...my husband I think was kind of weirded out for a while.  Until I explained.  

Then my social anxiety came out later on that week.  I have always been a shy person.  This is not something I like about myself...I always get nervous when going into any kind of social situation...butterflies all that...I used to get nervous going to school and work (there are very few places I feel truly comfortable).  But I don't like that about myself and have always pushed myself to essentially face my fears. One way I did this was by taking drama classes in college.  I'm a very nice and friendly person so no one would know (unless you're in my family, especially my sister) how much I internally struggle.  Not even my husband.  While we were talking about this he said "you sure are a great actress!" yup.  I would always say to him when we had to go somewhere social or even to his work stuff "I don't want to go." And he would say "Why?" And I would say "Because." And we'd argue.  When I was finally able to let go and communicate with him how "deep this goes" for me he understood me.

It's pretty much one of the best feelings in the world to be, finally, understood.  My sister was the first person to kind of crack the code of me...and she validated me, that it was ok to like to be by myself and to be quiet.  But then to be understood by my husband?! That can take your relationship to a new level.  I am a Strange Blue Creature but I am me, and that's ok.   

Ground Rules...

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I was wondering if you ladies have ground rules when your husband is away for like a business trip or a church overnight thing etc?  I recently discovered that there's a few things my husband and I should have worked out before he went away for a tournament with his volleyball team...let me know what works for you all, thanks!

The How's and the What's

I just wanted to take some time to share an exercise that my husband and I have implemented into our communication life.  We like to listen to sermons via pod-casts from a pastor who serves in Vista, Ca.  One sermon he was giving was about intimacy.  This is one of the suggestions that the pastor made that he and his wife do monthly.  You find some time to get alone with your spouse and you sit face to face and ask one another "How am I being a good wife/husband?" Each taking your turn to ask and answer.  Then you ask "What can I do to be a better wife/husband?" Again taking your turn to ask and answer.

My husband and  I do this every Sunday night...monthly is good too but we're newlyweds still learning how to live with each other.  It's really productive because you both take the time to affirm each other and also it's really helpful for both of you to know what you can do to make your marriage better.  There are so many things that go unsaid during the week that are really important, good and not so good! We laugh, I cry sometimes...but it's so freeing to know what's on his heart and mind and for him to know what's on mine!  Try it out...maybe on Valentine's Day?