Hmmm...

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Well...where did October go?  I hope you all had a good one! I'm doing pretty good.  I'm in my 12th week (the last week of my first trimester) and getting excited!  Of course their are a few changes going on that everyone should be aware of:

Number One: I am hormonal.  I have mood swings like nobodies business.  Last night my husband and I were talking about sleeping (I have mad heartburn so it's uncomfortable to sleep) and I was saying that he didn't know what it was like to be pregnant.  Then he said..."this is hard for me too, I have to deal with something...your hormones."  I laughed because it's true...and I don't really feel bad, only when I reflect on how many times a day I am happy and then immediately mad...then I feel a little..nope it passed.

Number Two:  I am hormonal.  This makes me very sensitive.  I am very offended by people telling me or my husband that we shouldn't find out what we're having.  I am also very offended by people being Giants haters.  I don't like going on facebook and seeing all the things my family members posted about the Giants being booed and nay-sayed.  That's not nice, we're Giants fans and 90 percent of the time, being a Giants fan means you are rooting for a loosing team.  Can't you let us just enjoy it?

Number Three: I am hormonal.  Prone to rants.  Prone to bursting into tears.  Prone to impatience. Prone to being crazy.

Number Four: I don't think this feeling is going away anytime soon :(

A New (to me) Song

The Glad Game

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One of my favorite movies is Pollyanna...in the movies the little girl plays a game where she finds the positive in every situation.  I don't know if it's hormones or what but I've been a little blue for the past few weeks. Things that would ordinarily make me sad for a little while, makes me sad for a long while.  So I need to play the glad game right now and, well essentially count my blessings.

I'm very thankful that today my baby is the size of a lime.  I'm so thankful to have reached this point in a pregnancy!  For the first couple months every pain in my lower abdomen was nerve-wracking, so it's nice to be able to relax.

I'm thankful for a job that I like and employers who appreciate me.

I'm thankful for a husband who is such a hard worker and who proves to all single women that good men are out there and worth the wait.

I'm thankful for babies! I'm thankful for my little nephew Jax, and our new little niece on the way, I just call her our little turkey babe.  I can't wait to see her, and I'm so happy that God has blessed my dear siblings with little ones!

There are so many more things I'm thankful for, and it does my heart good to think about them! I'm going to do it more often! 



  

Slow Assent

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There has been so much happening here lately I wish I would do a better job at blogging! I've been going back and forth in my mind if I should even continue to blog because I don't write as much as I should.  But I haven't made up my mind to stop because I value the friendships it has brought me.

My husband and I have been here in the Bay Area for nearly 2 months.  I seems like such a short time when I type it, but I feel like it's been forever!  As my husband studies away, preparing for mid-terms, I sit here reflecting on this past year.  I was discussing with my husband how much we have gone through in this past year (almost year) of marriage.  It's been really challenging, dealing with sicknesses that came out of the blue and cost so much more than anyone would care to pay, dealing with the excitement of a pregnancy and the loss of the same.  And then there were the emotional struggles all couples have to deal with while transforming 2 lives into 1.  So many challenges so so many things we'd love not to have to deal with again.  I've never been hit with so many things at once in my life before.  All I keep praying for is that God has us swinging up-ward again even if it's slow.

I want you to know that I have been working on getting back into the word and prayer.  I say this because it is my heart to use this blog as a place of encouragement to Women of Faith.  But I needed to keep working to get back into that place, so the encouragement can come from a genuine spirit.  So I'm working on it :) 

Sometimes You Just Need

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FYI That last post was totally just supposed to be a work in progress :/ I must have hit publish out of habit! Thank you so much for responding.  It is truthful that I'm am going through an ebb, so I'm not ashamed that you know it too.

I told my husband last night I needed to cry. But last night he was in worse shape then me...tired and worn out.  And I am just smart enough to know that keeping my heart to unfold to him later would be wiser, that way he could be what I need.  Which he was this morning.  I realized that there are things missing from my life that I need in order to feel close to God. One is worship through music.  I used to have heavy doses of it weekly, being apart of a thriving worship team.  It's something I need and it can be hard to find. But I can commit to finding it for myself.  So that is one step in the right direction.  I spet sometime this morning and I already feel better.

Another thing I needed was to talk to my hubs...mostly through hyper-ventilating tears.  Our entire first year of marriage was one giant series of "lesson learning."  And believe me we are learning loads! Everyone struggles in life, and God allows it in order for us to learn.  For example, if we never had to struggle to pay our bills we'd treat money frivolously.  There are so so many things we've learned in our first year together...the scary thing is...I don't think this learning is ever going to stop. I'm pretty sure that God is going to continually be shaping us, and sometimes it's not going to feel good.

The problem is for me is that I get discouraged when going through these lessons and I feel like instead of being shaped for my own good I am being punished.  Maybe I'm not doing good enough, well the fact is I'll never be doing good enough.  But I am being shaped for a purpose and that purpose is to be used of God.  It isn't easy.  I used to work with clay and I know how much I had to work it to make it what I wanted it to be.  I just need to remember that this is what's happening...the loving hand of our Potter is shaping me!    

Honestly...

I've been going through a season of feeling very far away from God.

There have been times where my passion and excitement for Jesus as been on fire! It's the most wonderful place to be. Safe and secure in the love and peace of Christ.  A place where everything seems to be an opportunity and joy is all around.  This doesn't mean everything was perfect in my life at the time, in fact there was a lot of uncertainty, but I was fully engaged in worshiping the Lord.

I know that there are time when our relationship with God goes through ebbs and flows...But I feel like I'm in a serious ebb.