Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Strange Blue Creature

(My title is from a Muppet movie...and when I was about to write my post about how strange I am this quote came into my head...I was kind of all about Muppets when I was little...I also have a crazy good memory when it comes to nonsense)

 source photo

Ok so many things have come out of our little family traumas (read below if you don't know what I'm talking about) I can say that it has brought my husband and I to a greater understanding about each other and because of this has brought us closer together.  Which is a really great positive thing that I can point to when I'm sad and feel hope rising.  But as my husband learns more about me I have learned (about me) that I am let's just say a "Strange Blue Creature."

For example, when dealing with grief my husbands instant reaction is to call his family and good friends and have them come to be around him.  A completely normal reaction. My reaction was to go to my parents house where I looked forward to time alone.  (strange? yes...I like to be alone.)  I knew this about myself before but I didn't have someone to compare myself to so when I saw his reaction I thought to myself "Oh that's what normal people do."  My parents are used to me, so of course they knew what I was going to be husband I think was kind of weirded out for a while.  Until I explained.  

Then my social anxiety came out later on that week.  I have always been a shy person.  This is not something I like about myself...I always get nervous when going into any kind of social situation...butterflies all that...I used to get nervous going to school and work (there are very few places I feel truly comfortable).  But I don't like that about myself and have always pushed myself to essentially face my fears. One way I did this was by taking drama classes in college.  I'm a very nice and friendly person so no one would know (unless you're in my family, especially my sister) how much I internally struggle.  Not even my husband.  While we were talking about this he said "you sure are a great actress!" yup.  I would always say to him when we had to go somewhere social or even to his work stuff "I don't want to go." And he would say "Why?" And I would say "Because." And we'd argue.  When I was finally able to let go and communicate with him how "deep this goes" for me he understood me.

It's pretty much one of the best feelings in the world to be, finally, understood.  My sister was the first person to kind of crack the code of me...and she validated me, that it was ok to like to be by myself and to be quiet.  But then to be understood by my husband?! That can take your relationship to a new level.  I am a Strange Blue Creature but I am me, and that's ok.   


  1. You and me both girly! I handle grief and stress and all that stuff the same way. I like to be alone. Figure it all out, and talk/ cry to GOD about it.
    I too took drama and speech thinking it would help me break out of my shell. No luck. It was a terrifying experience! I've since come to accept the fact that this is who I am. I feel near panic at times when I feel people are watching me...
    It is great when our hubby can finally understand us. It does take time. It was really weird for Josh and I at first. He's much more outgoing than I.

    Hope you're doing better :) Thinking about you often!

  2. I'm a strange blue creature too. ;)

    I can relate to SO much of what you described, only I never tried too hard to change my shyness. I'm shy, that's me. I like to be alone too.

    I'm glad you and your husband are growing closer through all that you've been through recently. My prayers are with you.

  3. Just got caught up on all you guys are going through and I am blessed by your attitude. You are wise to know that God is doing a work in you at this very moment. I'm so glad you can feel it. Prayers for you!

  4. Hello Sweet Meg. You're so brave for just putting your inner thoughts out there. You're a great writer btw. I secretly hope that if we ever meet, you'll be able to be absolutely and completely comfortable in my house. 100% yourself! :-) What a blessing to feel that next-level deep connection w/ your hubby. Isn't marriage grand? I'm thankful daily for the understanding I have with my DH. I couldn't manage without it.- Hoping you are well...and that you're finding rainbows through the storm to gain comfort and strength from. Sending a hug to you, my shy friend, ~K
    P.S. I'm kinda shy too. Depends on who I'm with. If I'm around Kindred Spirits, the hair comes down - everybody else, little miss mouse is here. I can feel your butterfly pain! Happy Wednesday...