Hmmm...

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Well...where did October go?  I hope you all had a good one! I'm doing pretty good.  I'm in my 12th week (the last week of my first trimester) and getting excited!  Of course their are a few changes going on that everyone should be aware of:

Number One: I am hormonal.  I have mood swings like nobodies business.  Last night my husband and I were talking about sleeping (I have mad heartburn so it's uncomfortable to sleep) and I was saying that he didn't know what it was like to be pregnant.  Then he said..."this is hard for me too, I have to deal with something...your hormones."  I laughed because it's true...and I don't really feel bad, only when I reflect on how many times a day I am happy and then immediately mad...then I feel a little..nope it passed.

Number Two:  I am hormonal.  This makes me very sensitive.  I am very offended by people telling me or my husband that we shouldn't find out what we're having.  I am also very offended by people being Giants haters.  I don't like going on facebook and seeing all the things my family members posted about the Giants being booed and nay-sayed.  That's not nice, we're Giants fans and 90 percent of the time, being a Giants fan means you are rooting for a loosing team.  Can't you let us just enjoy it?

Number Three: I am hormonal.  Prone to rants.  Prone to bursting into tears.  Prone to impatience. Prone to being crazy.

Number Four: I don't think this feeling is going away anytime soon :(

A New (to me) Song

The Glad Game

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One of my favorite movies is Pollyanna...in the movies the little girl plays a game where she finds the positive in every situation.  I don't know if it's hormones or what but I've been a little blue for the past few weeks. Things that would ordinarily make me sad for a little while, makes me sad for a long while.  So I need to play the glad game right now and, well essentially count my blessings.

I'm very thankful that today my baby is the size of a lime.  I'm so thankful to have reached this point in a pregnancy!  For the first couple months every pain in my lower abdomen was nerve-wracking, so it's nice to be able to relax.

I'm thankful for a job that I like and employers who appreciate me.

I'm thankful for a husband who is such a hard worker and who proves to all single women that good men are out there and worth the wait.

I'm thankful for babies! I'm thankful for my little nephew Jax, and our new little niece on the way, I just call her our little turkey babe.  I can't wait to see her, and I'm so happy that God has blessed my dear siblings with little ones!

There are so many more things I'm thankful for, and it does my heart good to think about them! I'm going to do it more often! 



  

Slow Assent

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There has been so much happening here lately I wish I would do a better job at blogging! I've been going back and forth in my mind if I should even continue to blog because I don't write as much as I should.  But I haven't made up my mind to stop because I value the friendships it has brought me.

My husband and I have been here in the Bay Area for nearly 2 months.  I seems like such a short time when I type it, but I feel like it's been forever!  As my husband studies away, preparing for mid-terms, I sit here reflecting on this past year.  I was discussing with my husband how much we have gone through in this past year (almost year) of marriage.  It's been really challenging, dealing with sicknesses that came out of the blue and cost so much more than anyone would care to pay, dealing with the excitement of a pregnancy and the loss of the same.  And then there were the emotional struggles all couples have to deal with while transforming 2 lives into 1.  So many challenges so so many things we'd love not to have to deal with again.  I've never been hit with so many things at once in my life before.  All I keep praying for is that God has us swinging up-ward again even if it's slow.

I want you to know that I have been working on getting back into the word and prayer.  I say this because it is my heart to use this blog as a place of encouragement to Women of Faith.  But I needed to keep working to get back into that place, so the encouragement can come from a genuine spirit.  So I'm working on it :) 

Sometimes You Just Need

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FYI That last post was totally just supposed to be a work in progress :/ I must have hit publish out of habit! Thank you so much for responding.  It is truthful that I'm am going through an ebb, so I'm not ashamed that you know it too.

I told my husband last night I needed to cry. But last night he was in worse shape then me...tired and worn out.  And I am just smart enough to know that keeping my heart to unfold to him later would be wiser, that way he could be what I need.  Which he was this morning.  I realized that there are things missing from my life that I need in order to feel close to God. One is worship through music.  I used to have heavy doses of it weekly, being apart of a thriving worship team.  It's something I need and it can be hard to find. But I can commit to finding it for myself.  So that is one step in the right direction.  I spet sometime this morning and I already feel better.

Another thing I needed was to talk to my hubs...mostly through hyper-ventilating tears.  Our entire first year of marriage was one giant series of "lesson learning."  And believe me we are learning loads! Everyone struggles in life, and God allows it in order for us to learn.  For example, if we never had to struggle to pay our bills we'd treat money frivolously.  There are so so many things we've learned in our first year together...the scary thing is...I don't think this learning is ever going to stop. I'm pretty sure that God is going to continually be shaping us, and sometimes it's not going to feel good.

The problem is for me is that I get discouraged when going through these lessons and I feel like instead of being shaped for my own good I am being punished.  Maybe I'm not doing good enough, well the fact is I'll never be doing good enough.  But I am being shaped for a purpose and that purpose is to be used of God.  It isn't easy.  I used to work with clay and I know how much I had to work it to make it what I wanted it to be.  I just need to remember that this is what's happening...the loving hand of our Potter is shaping me!    

Honestly...

I've been going through a season of feeling very far away from God.

There have been times where my passion and excitement for Jesus as been on fire! It's the most wonderful place to be. Safe and secure in the love and peace of Christ.  A place where everything seems to be an opportunity and joy is all around.  This doesn't mean everything was perfect in my life at the time, in fact there was a lot of uncertainty, but I was fully engaged in worshiping the Lord.

I know that there are time when our relationship with God goes through ebbs and flows...But I feel like I'm in a serious ebb.  

October, now we're talking!

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October is one of my most favorite months! I love that it starts to get cooler but not too cold.  Also I really try to hold myself back from watching Christmas movies all year round, I love Christmas movies they make me feel warm and cozy! (I'm pretty sure I'm my husband's worst nightmare, he can't stand watching things he's seen more than once, but he's very patient)  BUT I say October is close enough to December so October is when I start watching! You know all those stores that put up their Christmas stuff in October? I think they got the idea from me...I'm just saying.  Also who doesn't like to pick a pumpkin?! I do! Christmas movies and pumpkins?  Pretty much my two favorite things.  October, I'm happy to see you!

This is how it is

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So sorry I haven't written in a looooong time! I've been totally wiped out lately!

So the other yesterday I was totally convinced that I was having twins. I knew that my sonogram was coming up and I just felt like I am bigger than I should be.  Don't ask me why...I wake up and look normal then I progressively get bigger and bigger till I can't hold my tummy in and people ask me when I'm due and I feel like I should lie because normal first time mom's aren't supposed to be showing yet.  I blame pre-natal vitamins, they really slow uh- some normal bodily functions down if you know what I mean.  So I'm bloated and the other day I did lie to someone about how far along I am :( I'm not proud.

But I digress.  Today my hubs took me to my sonogram appointment.  I was very happy because everything is going well...my little blurb who looks like a manatee is as big and strong as it should be! Yay!  And yes there's only one, so I'm big because I don't know why.  Last night I dreamed that  I looked like jaba the hut.  (Is that his name? I'm so not a Star Wars person)  Anyways it was bad...also I literally cheered when we got to have Taco Bell for lunch today! This is how it is.

That was Mean of Me

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I have to admit I enjoyed that more than I thought I would.  Sorry!  Yes, just call me Preggy-Meggy! It's still pretty early, but I'm so excited!  I feel like, yes, I had a miscarriage early on last time but I don't feel like that's a good reason not to tell people.  God is sovereign over all lives including growing babies and only He knows what will happen.  But I have a pretty good idea that as my husband says "I'm good and pregnant." My symptoms are way way more intense than the last time.  So God willing we will have our first little one in May.  :) I'm so excited!!! Also since I'm still in the fragile time of my pregnancy I need prayer :)

Secrets

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Who here is good at keeping secrets? I hate keeping secrets! Big ones, little ones, round ones, tall ones...they should all be on the table as far as I'm concerned.  I don't care for surprises either, unless the "I have a surprise for you" is immediately followed by the surprise!

Like the other day when I called my husband on my break at work and he says "I have a surprise for you!" And we argue the whole rest of my break time about when he's going to let the cat out of the bag.  Go ahead you secret keepers let the cat out!

My mom is a horrible secret keeper, God bless her, but because of this I am as well. Now don't get me wrong or anything I can keep secrets from friends and family, secrets that people tell me.  But when it comes to myself, me who usually has nothing interesting to say, a secret about myself should be top item in the paper!

You may be wondering at this point if I in fact have a secret to tell....















Oh wait, what was I saying? Lost my train of thought...oh well.