Friday, April 27, 2012

I am....not...

 Source Photo

Recently a younger friend and I were corresponding back and forth, and she brought up that she feels like she's dealing with insecurities, and she feels like she's the only one who deals with being insecure.  I said no way! ALL WOMEN ARE INSECURE! And that she probably feels like she's the only one because we women are all trying to convince everyone else that they've "got it all together." Why?  Good Golly why are we like that? 

I know that I am guilty of this. Perhaps it's the reason I try on 15 different outfits before church on Sunday.  Or scramble to clean up if I have a visitor, just dropping something by.  "Oh yes my house always looks like this..." No.  Why does it feel so good to lead someone into perceiving you a certain way?  Being a mom is like living in a constant state of being exposed for what you really imperfect person with an imperfect baby.  There's a freedom in it, but it also can open a huge can of new insecurities. 

Here's the truth.  My closet is still full of clothes all over, laundry I still need to do.  I hardly shower. On the mornings I feel gross enough to shower I walk around saying "I hate shower morning."  Besides making meals, I have no hobbies, no projects, no extra anything.  I wake up I watch my son, play with him, make his meals, walk with him, let him climb all over me, and basically wear me out until 6:30pm till he's down.  Then I make dinner and veg with my husband.  Yesterday I tried to cut ribbon for a decoration for his first birthday party during Casey's snack and it was not easy.  I thought "this is why I don't do anything...I literally have no energy."  I know it won't always be like this.  He'll be more independent someday, I'll have more energy someday. But not today.  Today I will sit on the couch and enjoy the fact that I showered yesterday, and try not to worry too much about the fact that Casey woke up at 5 am this morning and what it's going to do to our schedule.    

1 comment:

  1. I love how honest your posts are. I really needed to hear something like this today! Thank you :) And your day sounds exactly like mine...some days I don't even make it out of my pjs because I'd rather take a nap when she's sleeping instead of "getting ready" for the day.