A Blessing For Today

 Brooke Fraser - Hymn (with lyrics)

So I stumbled across this song today and I'm hooked.  I'm the kind of person that really listens to lyrics.  I have to know what the song is saying so I'll listen to it till I understand.  This song makes me so emotional because it gives such a lush picture of Christ's love.  How often do you think "What's it going to take for God to realize that I'm not worth it?"  I am guilty of this thought.  We are all haunted by questions we find hard to answer concerning God...my is "does he like me?" This song is soo beautiful and it answers my question.  I hope it blesses you too!

Love & Respect

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I just finished "reading" (not really I was listening to it on my ipod) Love And Respect by Emerson Eggerichs.  It was suggested to Chris and I to read it before we got married, however in the "honeymoon" stage we were in, we tried but didn't relate to anything.  After 8 months of marriage (so long huh?!) the book was much more relate-able to me.  I listened to this after I listened to the famed The Five Love Languages By Gary Chapman.  I have to say although the love languages was interesting I was disappointed with the small amount of Biblical application/inspiration.  Love And Respect had a lot more Scriptural usage.

Personally what I got out of this book is some really lovely conviction.  How is conviction lovely? Because I needed it, the spirit was working gently within my heart using this book to speak to me. I think it's so easy for me and maybe other women to notice all our husbands mistakes in early (or late) marriage and feel like I'm/we're doing so much better at this.  Well thank you Holy Spirit for showing me that my pride was sinful and pointing me in the right direction.

As I was listening to this book I am/was also going though a period of feeling far away from God.  I feel very far away and very worn out.  I'm desperate to re-kindle my relationship with Christ and thankfully this book came along.  I was seeking a way to let Christ know how much I love him...to express this in a tangible way. This need is obviously more for me than it is Him, who knows all things. But this book lead me to a great way to love Christ though my obedience.  I can show my love for Christ through my Respect for my husband! Yay! I can do that!  Paul instructs the Ephesians to Men, love their wives as Christ loved the church, being willing to sacrifice their lives for them; and Women respect their husbands.  We are to do each of these thing unconditionally.

I know that you gals probably have this down-pat but it's nice to have a reminder that, as the book says, "Everything you do for your husband, you do for Christ." So lets treat them beautifully because Jesus deserves it (and they do too...I know mine does) :)   

Tuesday Tales

My first movie selection is Dinner at Eight made in 1934.  At this time movie making is still new, which for me means that it's still a little more like a play then movies we are familiar with.  I love plays so this one is good for someone like me.  A synopsis in a sentence is "a Society couple in New York City invites people over for dinner." But it's so much more, we meet everyone she invites and see intimate and realistic portraits of each guest.  What's interesting about this is that at the time this film was made America was going through the Great Depression.  This movie was about society people, and it is real, and often sad.  The point being that for the people who scraped together 30 cents to see a movie got to see that maybe the grass isn't always greener on the other side.  A feel good movie? For us probably not, but to the audience of the day...yes.  Maybe their lives didn't seem so bad.  It's very good, not as depressing as I am depicting, but real.  (Also amazing clothing!)

Secondly is Double Indemnity made in 1944. An insurance sales men played by Fred MacMurray, show up to a home to sell insurance to a couple.  The wife shows no interest in the husband but flirts with the sales man.  She has motives and it's to make money...watch to see what happens! I love this movie.  It's a thriller, very well done!

I try to suggest movies that you are sure to enjoy if you ever gave old movies a try! You can catch these on Turner Classic Movie, or if you have a Netflix account, or purchase on Amazon.com. Enjoy!

Breaking My Slience

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(I did not take this picture nor did it look like this cause it was overcast, but this is where I was)

Are you ready for me again? Sorry gals...I haven't written in a loooong time! The first reason was that I didn't have anything to say.  (Also this is my 100th post and I had a plan that God changed for this post, so I was saving it but then I decided to get over it) Then I went with my family on Vacation.

I love vacation! My side of the family has been vacationing in July on the Coast for a while now.  It gets so hot here...yesterday was 110 degrees :P so it's nice to have a break.  I never laugh as much as when we're on vacation.  We went antiquing which was so fun...I got 11 beautifully patterned old handkerchiefs, I have plans for them someday!

Also my husband took me on an "adventure."  He loves to be spontaneous and we had a day where we could venture out together.  First we went to coffee and talked with a local townie/coffee maker dude, who (because he must have forgotten that he lives in a picturesque beach town and is super lucky) told us that there is nothing to do here.  I thought in my head..."seriously dude?! You don't know what you just did to my relaxing day!" My husband loves to have permission to take me on an adventure.  He told us that Big Sur (FYI see my sis's blog "How Sweet It Is" if you want to see pictures of Big Sur) was just 40 minuets away, but it gets a little windey on the way up.

So we start driving...I'm not ok with this but, we go.  Did I tell you I get car sick...oh no? Well my husband knows I get car sick but still we went.  It's ok...little windey but beautiful on the way until...oh man back and forth up and down.  Back and forth up and down.  After 40 minuets I express with a pale face...HOW MUCH LONGER? We look at a map...2 hours away!  Not 40 minuets! LAIR COFFEE DUDE!  Needless to say we did not make it to Big Sur...I will just look at Steph's pictures and keep my lunch in.

Moral of the story....never believe a local townie who lives in a completely gorgeous place that "there's nothing to do here!"  Also don't take your wife on mountainous drives when she gets car sick....that one is just for my hubs...

Bursary of Bliss

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My little friend Kristen at Windy Poplars has made a list of the things that bring her heart joy.  I loved how Kristen talked about this list being the things that God put in her heart to bring her comfort and true joy.  I believe this to be true as well.  That God knows our hearts and lavishes us with this little gifts.  Sometimes I am more aware of these things than other times but still they are there.  So here is my list:

1. Butterflies
2. Being the last one to go to bed when all the lights are off except the Christmas tree lights.
3. Pumpkins
4. Black and White movies
5. Antique Stores
6. Music from the 30's and 40's
7. Worship songs
8. Surprise flowers
9. Hugs
10. People watching in Disneyland

That's all I can think of so far...I'm sure there's much much more.  Thanks Kristen for asking this question!

Sincerely, Confused in California

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 You know those doors every one talks about...the ones that are opened so you can walk through them.  Or also when maybe those same "doors" close, miraculously a window opens...so you can climb through them.  I like the idea of them...but haven't you been in a place where there only seems to be closed doors? I believe that sometimes it's very clear...God wants me to go down this or that path. It seems like a door opened.  Don't you love those times.  But other times all you hear is doors slamming shut...bam...bam...bam! At this point you would love to have a direction...but you have none.  You wish for a door with a flashing red arrow pointing down at it...and maybe even a loud authoritative voice saying "This is it...walk through it!" Or I'd totally take a window...even like a small bathroom window that will be a struggle because of your hips but you barely fit through.  No doors, no windows...

I've said before that I can relate to the Israelite people wandering in the desert.  I feel like that. I think the Israelite people would have loved if the promise land was just a mile down the road. If God gave them "an open window." Nope, no doors, no windows. Keep walking.

There was a point to all this "walking." The end result was a Promise Land.  There was a promise from God that this time in the desert would not last forever.  Did the people trust God.  No.  What did they want? A door...or even a window...an easy way out.  Did that generation receive the promise? No, and who knows how long it would have taken if they just would have had faith in God.  But they begged for an easy way out.

I think these myths about "Open doors and windows" come from people wanting to make excuses for God, to make God as nice as we think He should be.  It's true that God loves us more than we'll ever know how to love.  It is also true that He is perfectly just. If you've read the Bible you know there are things that make us cringe.   We understand the love part...but we don't understand His justice.  So we try and make excuses.

These excuses are not necessary.  Trust me, we've been hit with so much in the past month...more than I've even been sharing.  But I know that the promise land is out there. But God wants something from me in return.  Faithful Obedience.  Sometimes we have to walk through the desert in order to get to where we want to be.  It's hard for me to say or even do sometimes but I have to have faith because God knows what He's doing. 


   

Bows

I don't know if I've mentioned it before....I really enjoy being a girl.  (just kidding you all know that) I recently bought five plain head bands, from Forever 21 for $1.  I know! Black, white, gold, silver, and torus-shell.  I like to wear them plain but I love to wear them gussied up.  Everything looks better gussied up! So sometimes I'll clip a flower pin to them (which looks very pretty).  But more recently I've been experimenting with bows.  My mom gave me little odds-and-ends when I was leaving home including ribbon.  I tied them into little bows and stuck the head band through the back! Fun!

I'm Reading...

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I'm reading Little Women.  It's been a long time movie favorite of mine, my mom's and my sister's. But Although my mom gave me the book to read when I was a little girl, I never got into it.  I was really not a great reader until high school/college.  I have a great passion for the classics, because there's a reason why these books are still around.  I have only gotten through the first 7 chapters so far, but Lousia May Alcott is a beautiful writer.  I've been reading it out loud to my husband while he works or "plays" (facebook) on the computer.  I'm reading out loud because someday I would like to read this book to my daughters.  I am touched by this book, how it has made us laugh, and me cry already.  It's so strange a thing to do together but it has shown me a new side to him, I already knew that he was sweet and patient with me, but now I know that he will be just as sweet, patient, and understanding to our daughters someday.  (I say daughters because I want at least 2, if not 3)

Sweet

Strange Blue Creature

(My title is from a Muppet movie...and when I was about to write my post about how strange I am this quote came into my head...I was kind of all about Muppets when I was little...I also have a crazy good memory when it comes to nonsense)

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Ok so many things have come out of our little family traumas (read below if you don't know what I'm talking about) I can say that it has brought my husband and I to a greater understanding about each other and because of this has brought us closer together.  Which is a really great positive thing that I can point to when I'm sad and feel hope rising.  But as my husband learns more about me I have learned (about me) that I am let's just say a "Strange Blue Creature."

For example, when dealing with grief my husbands instant reaction is to call his family and good friends and have them come to be around him.  A completely normal reaction. My reaction was to go to my parents house where I looked forward to time alone.  (strange? yes...I like to be alone.)  I knew this about myself before but I didn't have someone to compare myself to so when I saw his reaction I thought to myself "Oh that's what normal people do."  My parents are used to me, so of course they knew what I was going to be like...my husband I think was kind of weirded out for a while.  Until I explained.  

Then my social anxiety came out later on that week.  I have always been a shy person.  This is not something I like about myself...I always get nervous when going into any kind of social situation...butterflies all that...I used to get nervous going to school and work (there are very few places I feel truly comfortable).  But I don't like that about myself and have always pushed myself to essentially face my fears. One way I did this was by taking drama classes in college.  I'm a very nice and friendly person so no one would know (unless you're in my family, especially my sister) how much I internally struggle.  Not even my husband.  While we were talking about this he said "you sure are a great actress!" yup.  I would always say to him when we had to go somewhere social or even to his work stuff "I don't want to go." And he would say "Why?" And I would say "Because." And we'd argue.  When I was finally able to let go and communicate with him how "deep this goes" for me he understood me.

It's pretty much one of the best feelings in the world to be, finally, understood.  My sister was the first person to kind of crack the code of me...and she validated me, that it was ok to like to be by myself and to be quiet.  But then to be understood by my husband?! That can take your relationship to a new level.  I am a Strange Blue Creature but I am me, and that's ok.